Does God exist?

Dear world

I come from a Christian family from India. My parents have strong faith on Jesus for the past many years. And me being their daughter was also a girl with lots of devotion towards God. I never questioned the existence of God, maybe because I was just too scared that he might punish me.

All went fine until I started staying in hostel. I met a friend during these days who was an atheist. This friend is someone whom I respect a lot in my life. He managed to make me question the very existence of my belief.

Was Jesus real? Was christianity a good option for me? Is there a God? Even if there is a God will he be like what the church says?

These were just of my some doubts... I started avoiding masses and rosaries slowly. I was soo confused, like all the faith I had these many years just went off somewhere. I didnt know what was right and what was wrong. Sometimes I would pray to God and tell him to come and tell me personally who he was. I didnt want to be that person who followed wrong rules.. I didnt want to be that person who would lose their life to something that wasnt real.

I wanted to make up my mind on what to do. I believed in the miracles happening in Christianity. But me being me, I started doubting them too. I didnt know what to do. Jesus was different for different people.

But in all the interpretations he was just that lovable and great God. And I used to wonder if he is soo real, then how much would we be hurting him.?

And I also wanted to tell Jesus that , wasnt it time that he send us another prophet or someone to build up our faith. He left his human body 2000 years ago. We dont even remember what happened yesterday, how can he expect us to remember all that? Who knows if anyone would have played with our history or not.

On top of that came the cases against the catholic churches, like the one recently happening in Kerala. It made me lose my faith and hope on the church even more.

Also I respected the priest and nuns soo much until I started staying in convent hostels. Their behaviour was soo bad that I saw non Christians hating them. I didnt know how to make others understand. Later my family used to say that, these nuns are behaving this was when they see us enjoy the youth which they missed during their lifetime  as nuns.

I felt really bad about this. Some nuns just became nuns because of their families struggles. Also they couldn't return to their homes as it would put shame on their families and no one would be ready to look after them or get them married off.

I still dont know what to do? Isint God seeing all that is happening now in this world. There were times in my life where I believed that Jesus is the one True God. But right now everything is complicated. But this wont stop me from being a good person, as I dont want to hurt anyone from my side.

It's just that if there is a heaven or hell, then I dont want to be that person who goes to hell. Because hell is forever. So is heaven.

That's all for now!!

Sarah Sha