Charisma

Dear world

Growing up in a catholic Christian family, we were active members of the charismatic community also. I grew up raising hands and chanting God's name and wondered why God didnt talk to me.? Sometimes I thought maybe my own thoughts were created by Jesus and that's how I though he was TALKING to me.

Also during like say 10 minutes people would raise their hands and chant something that i wouldn't know what. I used to listen and I learned that some people say, "hallelujah, thank you jesus or maybe yeshuvae etc" and I copied the same. Thinking that maybe it would please him and he would talk to me too....but never.

I used to keep looking at the Eucharist during adoration and wonder why I wouldn't see like maybe the face of Jesus or something like how many people see it..  but it never happened to me. Except for the fact I slept off after the long stares ..... they would also switch off the lights, giving the perfect environment to sleep.

But I dont know why he didn't talk. Sometime people told me i need to be pure for him to come. So i used to go for confessions and still attend these stuff and never did i hear him.

Gradually the trust and hope i had for him was decreasing. I started thinking about the true meaning of religion. The recent news like the father Franco case in Kerala made me lose the faith even more.

Sometimes I feel like talking against my beliefs. But then there is this society which stops me. They tell me that one shouldn't talk bad about priests or nuns . As they are GODS CHOSEN PEOPLE . BUT then who are we? Also people who talk against are seen as enemies and no one tries to atleast listen to them. They have successfully closed many people's mouths. But it won't be long enough before all this ends.

I am still a confused teen and I dont know whether god exists or not. But I just know that all priests and all nuns are not good. There are few that are a shame to the society and they need to be corrected or be brought to reality.

There needs to be some justice for  nuns. I stayed in a hostel run by nuns. I came there with a lots of love and trust on these sisters. And when people from other religion would talk back to them or say bad about them, I used to take the side of these sisters. But I no longer can do that.

It's fine for then to say anything about anyone, but not for us. Also they treat us like how they were treated- as oppressed women.

I sometimes feel bad and angry for the same set at the same time...

But I do like pope Francis. He seems to be a good man.

It's time the church needs a change. Only pope cant do anything. The society also has to help. Gays, lesbians are also equals. All the old rubbish needs to be changed.

That's all

Yours truly
Sarah Sha